I Guess We Do "Self-Isolate"

People often "notice" that parents of children with special needs seem to "find" each other.  We "self-isolate."  We don't seem to socialize with the "regular" parents the way the "regular" parents do with each other.  Yeah, we're a weird bunch.  Ugh.

Some people even wonder how it is that we manage to find each other.  It's actually amazingly easy.  We, unfortunately, have way, way too much experience with everyone else, to have any trouble at all, recognizing members of our own tribe.  When we speak of our kids, and we mention something "different," something happens with outsiders.  They often don't know they're doing it, I guess, or they don't know what it looks like, what it feels like, to us.  Sometimes, we are even stupid/open/naive (choose your adjective) enough to let drop the actual diagnosis our child carries.  To us, it is often no big deal - a fact, like the color of his hair, or the fact that she loves to sing.  But the horror on your face, or the way your body turns away, even ever-so-subtly, or the fact that you suddenly have someone you need to talk to or something you need to do, or that you gasp, ever-so-slightly.  You, Are Not. My. People.

When I find one of my own, the response is warm.  Often, it is something like, "oh yeah, mine is ..."  Or, a laugh, a smile, a "don't you love how ..."  It can be a question about schools, teachers, doctors.  A reference to who in someone's life is either similarly affected, or affected with something totally different ... yet still, something.  Even a "s/he's so [fill in the blank: sweet, smart, cute, endearing].  Members of MY tribe are not horrified by their children - we love them, just as, presumably, you love yours.  We don't expect others to have different responses to our children.  Unfortunately, we are used to it.  Well, not exactly used to it.  But it has happened, way too often.  We can't deal with it, though.  So, we self-isolate.  We find our own peer group; we find our tribe.  We find ... each other.  And it's way easier than you would think.  And you would be appalled, if you saw it through our eyes. At least, we would hope so.