My Grandson Broke His Arm

My grandson broke his arm at school yesterday.  It seems, he was running to get a drink from the water fountain, because he was "so thirsty."  He tripped over his feet and fell.  It happens.  Kids fall, they get hurt.  It's no one's fault.  And yet, and yet ...


My grandson has PDD-NOS.  Things are never simple when someone has an autism spectrum diagnosis.  We have been arguing with the school since ... forever ... about his need for additional services.  As we argued that he needed more services, his services were slashed.  He has had no PT since he started elementary school, and his OT services have been reduced from direct services, x amount of time per week to consultation only, y amount of time per month.  We were told, by someone who must have been observing someone else/insane/choose your explanation, that he could move from sitting on the floor to standing without the use of his hands.  It would have been funny if it weren't impacting the boy.


So, after he got hurt, my grandson was unable to get up from the sitting position on the floor that the kids assume during the gym class he was in.  He, apparently, requires the use of both his hands to stand up.  Because it was approaching the end of the year, the weather was hot, and who-knows what other reason, the class had a "bonus" class of gym.  He was not able to participate because of the pain in his arm.  He visited the nurse's office three times, complaining of pain - something this child never does.  He was unable to put his chair up on his desk at the end of the day (the usual end-of-the-day routine).  My daughter was not told about any of this.  At 3:00 she received a call telling her only that her son had been to the nurse's office, impliedly once, after having fallen during gym class.  Another tid-bit, when the boy fell, he did nothing to try to break his fall.  No reflexive trying to catch himself.


Beyond this, and to me, far more disturbing, was his response to the injury.  He didn't cry; he didn't scream.  Breaking a bone, even a minor break, hurts.  Even for a child with a high pain threshold, this is not something one shrugs off, and the fact that he went to the nurse's office three times means it was a big deal to him.  What he said later said it all, for me.  He tried not to cry, even though it hurt - a lot.  He said he screamed silently.


The casual observer, or the uninformed might wonder why.  I, unfortunately, know why.  School has worked very hard with him, over the past couple of years, to not cry at school.  To him, there is no real difference between not crying because you're upset about having trouble opening your water bottle and because you broke your arm.  The rule is "don't cry at school."  He's learned the rule.  He's internalized it.  He's proud of himself for doing so well with it, and he's gotten lots of positive feedback for it.  No one has been able to explain the difference between appropriate upset and inappropriate upset. I'm not sure they've tried.  So they have a star pupil, who doesn't cry when he breaks his arm - he screams silently.


And so do I.