Mother's Day Too

When my older boy was about two years old, he asked me where his other mother was.  I had to give him the "sad" news that he didn't have another mother.  And no, he didn't have other siblings, either.  Poor boy.

He lived in an ... unusual household.

His sisters both had other mothers and siblings about whom they spoke, and whom they sometimes visited.  It was a bit confusing for a two-year-old who, not surprisingly, figured that this was the norm.  It was, obviously, his norm.

One sister was a "newcomer," although, to a two-year-old, it probably was hardly within his memory that she hadn't always been with us.  A teenager with some "family issues," she lived with us for about two years, and grew up with a happy "ending."  She re-established a healthy connection with her family, and established an independent living situation.  There aren't many of those in the dependency system.  She regularly visited her siblings; less regularly her parents.  She spoke often about all of them.  I think about her often.  I think that she's what foster care is supposed to be about ... but rarely is.

The other sister was my daughter, who came to me as an emergency foster placement, to stay for "two weeks-to-six months" when she was five years old.  She is now married, with a child of her own.  She had siblings who were part of her "case," who she visited regularly for the first years she lived with me - until after her adoption finally came through.  She also visited her biological mother during those years:  supervised visits that were emotionally draining and, as we learned later, not adequately supervised.  Later, the visits were not as regular, but when they happened were more real - the kids met in each other's homes, in their real lives.  Most of them still keep in touch in various ways.  But the mothers who raised them are their mothers.  The mother who birthed them is their "bio mom."

My son has no wish for another mother anymore.  I don't think he did then, either.  He was just trying to figure things out.  He was always very analytical, and in his own careful way, he was trying to assess the situation.  Something wasn't sitting right, and he didn't want any unpleasant surprises later.  

My boy liked to find structure in the world.  When his brother was little, he asked whether we'd be moving.  We had moved when he was two, so he figured we'd move again when his brother was two.  

Being a mother has given me the joy of seeing the world through the eyes, not simply of a child, but of someone who sees the world from a totally different angle - and each of my children has seen the world from a totally different perspective.  What a gift!